Movie Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey(2015)

Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson

Writer: Kelly Marcel (screenplay), E.L. James (novel)

Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan

"I don't make love, I fuck... hard."

I can pinpoint the exact moment I first time ever came into contact with Fifty Shades of Grey(rarity for me that my memory can ever be so precise.) It was back in 2012 when the book(s) first got hot, I hadn't heard anything about them then there was a skit about it on Saturday Night Live. The first time I really became familiar with the books was when my girlfriend was reading the trilogy, she'd tell about bits and pieces of it. For the ever so slight chance that you may not be familiar with this material, Fifty Shades of Grey is about an extended love affair between a shy, virginal college student Anastasia Steele & enigmatic billionaire(not really specified what for) with some dark sexual kinks, Christian Grey. They meet by chance when Anastasia steps in for her sick roommate to interview him for their school paper. Nothing new, archetypal fantasy-romance. Girl meets vampire billionaire-boy, they fall in love, but something keeps their romance coming into full bloom. What could that be? I'm sure that the key demo for this film weren't watching for that question, but, to me, it's the most interesting part of it.

There's fireworks as soon Christian & Anastasia meet. He sits behind his desk looking over to her and she's flustered I take it because she finds him to be handsome? To be completely honest, his face looks like a potato to me, but hey... this is the guy. Couple that attraction with his cold, domineering presence and you can tell it's even harder for her to contain herself by her stammering and avoiding eye contact. There is definitely chemistry is here, but it's not in the dialogue because that's one of the worse parts of the film. Setting the trend for the rest of the film, this scene in his office is all is all visual stimuli; the piercing stares, quick shy glances, the pencil biting, desk grabbing, etc. It's foreplay. And that subtle lust-filled tension spills over to after the interview ends when Christian walks her to the elevator, it looks as if he wants to take her right then and there. The elevator doors close and Ana hastily bursts out of the building washed with wave of relief... a contrast to her clumsily falling into his office. Even more sparks fly the next time they meet when Christian pops up at her job(creepy much?) at a hardware and buys rope, tape & cable ties. Here another trend is set for the film: Christian's creepiness. At the counter when he's paying for his things, after he agreed to take pictures for Ana's friend's article, her male co-worker, Paul, comes up behind her asking if she needs him to bag the items for her(when they're already in the bag.) Christian looks at the guy like he could kill him(to be fair, he did unnecessarily touch her.)  If it wasn't clear before that he wants her, it is now. It's also clear that her already sees her as his.

At the photo shoot Christian damn near interrogates Ana asking if she's involved with the photographer or her co-worker. She assures him she isn't. Afterward he takes her for coffee and things come to screeching halt when she mentions she's a romantic. He tells her he's not the man for her and that she should steer clear of him. It plays like a breakup scene which feels premature when they JUST met like two days ago. That same night Ana goes out to a bar with her roommate & the photographer. She gets tipsy and drunk-calls Christian who, even more possessively sounding than when prying into her dating status, says her he wants her to go home, asks where she is, and eventually says that he knows where she is and is coming to get her. Shortly after that, Ana stumbles out of the bar with the photographer trailing behind her who acts like he has good intentions, but really just tries to come onto her while she's inebriated. Christian pops up in just the nick of time to snatch her away... one creep combating another. The next day Ana wakes up in Christian's hotel room to new clothes and room service. Christian walks in, draped in sweat, he takes his shirt off and says "if you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week." and she's like "What?" then he seductively(I guess) bites the toast right out of her hand. She asks Christian why she's there and he replies, as robotically as humanly possible, that he's incapable of being away from her. Ana says "Then don't." and we're off to the races.

Here begins the best and most interesting part of the movie; not the fantasy ride Christian takes Ana on with the helicopter, the big penthouse or the steamy sex that's undoubtedly catered to the female gaze(not saying there's anything wrong with that.) Next to Seamus McGarvey's beautiful & narratively involved cinematography, it's the emotional tug-of-war between the two that compels. After Christian tells Ana that he doesn't do romance he eventually shows his playroom famously known as The Red Room of Pain. He gives her a glossary of BDSM terms & tools and offers her a contract to be his sub which outlines what's to be expected of her. He claims he wouldn't have sex with her until it's signed, but after she shows reluctance and admits to being a virgin, Christian in a creepy way, is turned on by her purity and ends up having sex with her anyways. The churn in the blending of their worlds that follows suit. For the rest of the film they go back and forth over her signing the contract, still having sex (I've NEVER been more tired of seeing a woman's breasts than after watching this movie.) And we see the two start to rub off on each other; To reflect Christian, Ana becomes more stylish, her sexual appetite grows, she becomes more possessive, Dakota Johnson really immersed herself into this role. And to reflect Ana, Christian becomes more affectionate, more romantic, his steely demeanor is just peeled back in general. Unfortunately Jamie Dornan is flat all across the board with his portrayal of Christian Grey. I get he's supposed to be a cold blooded character, but there are pinpoint moments in pieces of the dialogue where he's just absolutely cringeworthy. Like the way he says dominant & submissive instead of dom & sub. That can be contributed to writing that already isn't great, but when you add Dornan's wooden delivery it just comes out even worse. He brings no nuance or charisma to the role.

When it all comes to a head and Christian finally gets a taste of what he initially wanted from Ana, she's disgusted and flat-out rejects him. I know Christian is a creep, but I still felt some sympathy for him knowing that he was a victim of abuse. The whole lore of this initial installment in the series is Christian's suave & dominant persona, but he's really a damaged person. So this shouldn't be an indictment of BDSM practices, but of his past. The film's ending is quite abrupt. Though, it feels incomplete, it denotes to me in it's brevity a statement by James & Taylor-Johnson saying this is it. Anastasia said it was over and it is. As if the scene at the elevator that mirrors the exact moment where it all began didn't underline this sentiment, the film ends with a shot of Christian being distant in a meeting and the look of film has reverted from it's vibrant scheme back it's bleak grey one to signify Christian's state of mind and then smash cuts to black. I could be looking too much into it, but that's my honest take informed by the rest of the film. As a fan of the books my girlfriend wasn't crazy about it, but exceeded my expectations. It doesn't soar to the heights of something like Von Trier's Nymphomaniac, but succeeds in overshadowing it's source material by being a refreshing and somewhat insightful erotic drama that on top of having a female gaze also displays an interesting juxtaposition of the roles in a heretonormative relationship. 

Movie Review: The Big Bad F*cking WolfCop

WolfCop(2014)

Writer/Director: Lowell Dean

Starring: Leo Fafard, Jonathan Cherry & Sarah Lind

"...I'm the fuzz."

I liked this movie, but probably more than I should have. There are plenty of flaws that just beg for me to consider this movie as bad, but I just found it to be too awesome. Let's start with how cool of a concept this is. It's about an alcoholic cop who's suddenly turned into a werewolf then decides to go around and use his new abilities to eradicate crime. Well, sort of. But when you sum it up in that respect, it could've easily been a superhero movie. In fact, if this had the budget like one of those big superhero movies, with the story it has, it could've been a great one. Though, it probably wouldn't have all the things that make it cool like ripping people's faces and arms off. That's one of the main things that contribute to me liking this film; the vintage practical effects. Lou's(Fafard) first transformation is the high point of the film for me and rivals that of the eye-popping classic one in 1981's The Howling . And speaking of "eye-popping" there's a scene where a guy literally gets stabbed in the eye by one of the film's villains and it's absolutely glorious in all it's gore and exaggerated sound design.

The movie is pretty short clocking in at 78 minutes so it kicks off fairly fast. It opens up with an alcoholic Lou falling out of bed dragging his hungover body out the door to his job at the sheriff's department which he's regularly late for. As Lou cruises through his schlocky small town, we're made aware of current mayoral election going on and are introduced to front-runners; the longstanding incumbent, Mayor Bradley & an up-and-comer, Terry Wallace. We also quickly get a feel for how much Lou cares for his job or at least a picture of just how non-relevant local law enforcement is to the townspeople. This is made even more clear when Lou pulls up to the station and the front of the building has a busted door and is vandalized with the word "PIGS" (one of the many wolf-related puns in the movie.) Lou walks in trying to duck everyone, but is immediately grilled by his coworker/supercop, Tina(Matysio.) & his Chief who claims that Lou's father would be disappointed in him. Lou doesn't seem to care about that much which points me to an element of the film that I consider quality & a flaw: the overall casualness of the movie.

It's quality because it doesn't take itself too seriously, but it's a flaw because that overall casualness about it dampens some important scenes concerning the story with apathy. The perfect example is the scene after Lou's cursed and has his first transformation where kills a bunch of bad guys at a bar... the next day he comes back and the bartender says to him that he wasn't himself when he did what he did, but he saved her. The exchange is just so drab that the scene feels like a throwaway. It's not that I feel she should've been freaking out or anything, it just that even with a black comedy, scenes like that should at least make an effort to mount some kind of tension or suspense when there's a mystery at play. And there is definitely one at play, but the overall casualness that I mention doesn't allow for you to feel it enough to care that there is. It instead leaves you waiting for the next wolf-up, scene of carnage or whatever campy craziness you expect coming into this. And it does deliver on those expectations, but not enough for you to say "story be damned, this is great." Like  I said, the story is actually pretty good, but due to it being poorly handled I wish the filmmakers would've scaled back on the story and focused more action. Luckily there's a sequel on the way so I know there'll be plenty of fun to be had now that they've gotten this out of the way. 

Hot Fuzz does everything tried here better even the horror stuff, but I still liked this for what it was. Campy genre fare that fails to balance elements of Mystery-Cop & Black-Comedy Horror movies, but entertains anyways. Especially worth watching if you're a die-hard genre fan like me. 

Movie review: Michael Jai White Falcon Kicks The Sh*t Out Of People

Falcon Rising(2014) (AKA: Favela)
Director: Ernie Barbarash(Assassination Games, 6 Bullets)
Writer: Y.T. Parazi
Starring: Michael Jai White(Spawn, Black Dynamite, Undisputed 2), Lateef Crowder(The Protector, Undisputed 3, Tekken) & Neal McDonough(Minority Report, Captain America: The First Avenger)

"You didn't wash your hands... that's nasty."

I think I read about this movie over on cityonfire.com some months back and just added it to the netflix queue. So this morning after compiling a 100 movie list of possible movies to review, I figure what better movie to start with than this? It's supposed to be the first of a franchise to be lead by Michael Jai White entitled "CODENAME: FALCON" that will run for god knows how long. It's about John "Falcon" Chapman(White), an all-around badass ex-marine with some hardcore PTSD that ultimately feels pointless in his whole character make-up, but he has to have some kind of quirk, right? From the jump we see him home alone in his apartment drinking like a fish, clutching old comrades' dog tags & playing Russian roulette. And as if that opening scene doesn't effectively illustrate to us how down in the dumps this guy is, the next scene is of him in a convenience store looking to stock up on more liquor to continue binge drinking. Two baddies come in to hold the store up and he just continues to casually browse the liquor shelf while one of the guys has a shotgun pointed him at shouting. Yes, the obligatory "I'll show you how much of a badass I am"-scene, right? Ehh, kinda. John turns around and almost begs the guy to kill him. When the guy freezes up he then disarms him, kicks his & his partner's asses followed by him paying for his liquor and walking out like nothing happened. The first twenty or thirty minutes of the film is mostly one big heavy-handed attempt to show us how tormented of a man this guy is.

After even MORE veteran's sorrow porn filled with pointless flashbacks John's sister, Cindy(Ali), flies in from Rio De Janeiro and back out of town so that means we can finally get down to some ass-kicking, right? Kinda. John gets a call from an old friend who works at the U.S. embassy in Brazil telling him that his sister's been found left for dead somewhere in the favela where she worked(Laila Ali getting beat up? You KNOW this is a movie.) They really don't give you reason to feel for what's happened to John's sister. In fact, the way she's just suddenly injected into the story seems pretty random because there's no indication that John has anything to live for before OR after we see her. They don't try to establish a connection between the two. She's just used as a means to an end to get the plot moving. Even when he flies down to Brazil and sees her laying in the hospital bed battered and bruised it doesn't seem like he's affected by it much, he just immediately goes into justice mode. I guess we can chalk that up to him military guy and the writer working under the assumption that viewers will naturally make the jump to believe any badass ex-marine in a movie will automatically go try to exact revenge on the baddies responsible for his sisters assault. I guess that's better than overwrought melodrama, though.


When the action kicks off the first bit of it has nothing to do with John directly or the actual story, but it was pretty cool. One of the cops, Carlo(Crowder), that's supposed to be investigating John's sister's murder randomly squares up with a hoodlum and showcases his fighting style that reminded me of Eddy Gordo from the game Tekken(turns out Crowder played him the in the 2010 adaptation.) This fight serves no other purpose other than to show this is the only other formidable fighter in the movie who will eventually match up with John later only for a disappointingly short fight scene that's also shared with two other foes. The stuff leading up to that is pretty cool, though, too. John beats up or shoots anyone who even looks like they know anything about his sister's assault. And when he kicks people, my god it's like a lightning strike. No wonder his call sign is Falcon. The shootouts aren't as good as the fights except for the one during the climax where John runs through a shipping yard a la John Wick jumping off of crates dishing out a combo of falcon kicks & headshots. Not good overall. Hollow script, weak cast, but a moderately entertaining footnote to an action vehicle to be with some flashes of pure badassery from Michael Jai White who's a vintage macho-man action hero that exudes absolute confidence when taking down his foes. There's plenty of room for improvement, but they've built a solid hero so I'll be on the look out the future installments.